how things are going

I had really great news last week. The state is going to cover Jeffrey’s medical expenses! This is a huge relief for me. I was looking at around $170,000 in medical bills. I will still have some odds and ends to clear up and that will be hard enough. The second bit of good news is that I’ve moved most of my things over at the place. I took the stuff I wanted out of the sheds. I still need to move the trailer and a few more things. I’m hoping to do that on Saturday. Once that’s complete, I will be done with the place Jeffrey and I were buying. It’s been difficult, because the old “friend” screwed me out of everything I put into it. He won’t sell the place and is letting his son have it. So the $9,300 that I put into it as a down payment is lost. I have been through such hell since Jeffrey died that the loss of the money is almost trivial. I could use it and the “friend” knows it. I hope he gets the reward he deserves.

The boyfriend has been sick, so no progress on the boat. We are talking about paying to have it moved. It’s taking too much time to get the engines in working condition. It will have to be done, but not today. It’s costing us to keep it moored and it needs to be moved. So we are trying to scrape up the money to do that, hopefully this week as well. Once it’s moved, we can work on the interior and get it ready to be lived in. I would like to be out of the church’s house by the end of April, if possible. I feel pretty scattered with things the way that they are. I’ve been spending four days in town at the boyfriend’s and three days at the house with the cats. There’s just no way to move the cats into his house. If we can get the worst of the heavy work done on the boat, I could move the cats into it and then start moving me up to town. So I will see how it goes. I am going to start going through all the stuff that was in the shed and see what I have that I need to get rid of. I will feel better when I purge things. I am thinking about bringing over all that fleece I bought for the yurt project. I wasn’t going to bother, but I think I will, if I have time. I’d like to do some felting and it would be good to have something made from that stuff.

I still don’t know what direction my life without Jeffrey will take. The new relationship seems pretty solid. I’m happier than I have been. I still miss Jeffrey and likely always will. It seem strange, after all those years together, to be with a new man. We have all these stories yet to tell each other. We’ve shared so much. And really, I have to learn how to be my own self, to stand on my own. I don’t have to live alone to do that. I do have to learn what it means to live without that very solid marriage I had. I’ve taken off the wedding rings I used to wear and am wearing a small turquoise ring, to remind myself that I am single. The boyfriend and I have a tendancy to fall into that “old married couple” thing. It’s comfortable and one day, we may be exactly that. For now, I need to remind myself that the relationship is new and fresh.

The dogs have been doing okay. I suspect that I will have to put Tessie down in the next month or so. She has cancer, with a big tumor hanging down from the underarm area. She’s starting to get thin. She doesn’t see, hear, or walk well any more and is incontinent. I am hoping to get her to some warm weather, but I feel like the end may be near. It will be sad, but I would like to bury her on the Denne place. I will likely leave a bit of Jeffrey’s ashes with her. I think he’d like that.

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