NotSoThoreau

One of the discussions Lon and I used to have, back when we were just friends, had to do about why good people die young. He was upset that Kate died at such a young age, when he knows other people that have never done anything worthwhile in their lives that live to an old age. It’s probably a common thing to think about, when you lose someone.

My latest diagnosis is walking pneumonia. After all this time, I have no energy and still crash out early on the weekends. I’ve come to believe that Jeffrey had problems with his lungs before he came down with pneumonia. He had tularemia as a kid and was spray poisoned with paraquat when we lived in California. But really, my thought is this: if it is taking me this long to recover from a milder version of pneumonia, then Jeffrey would not have been able to recover from his, even if I’d gotten him into the doctor earlier. He would have hated being stuck at the house this much and not being outside. He would have hated not being able to do all those physical things he was used to doing. It’s been difficult for me and very frustrating, because there are things I want to do and need to do. Most weekends, I haven’t been able to do them.

I don’t know about Kate, but I suspect that just maybe, she would not have been able to deal with a long, slow recovery either. We do not want to see a loved one die, after all, and we like to think that we can come back from anything. In Jeffrey’s case, I think he would have preferred a quick death to a long slow recovery from pneumonia. I’m just glad I wasn’t sicker, because this long, slow recovery is truly frustrating.