Now, I’m dealing with kiddies hacking into my site. Not what I want to deal with right now. If it continues, then I may have to rework the site, maybe go back to blogger.
For now, I want to talk about grief. I wrote in a letter today that losing a spouse is so awful that it’s a wonder anyone survives it. The least thing sets off a round of grief. I took Loretta in to be spayed today. We’d planned to let her have a pup by Wallace, to keep and raise. But I can’t do that now. By myself, I don’t have the time to raise a puppy and she was already bred. So there’s grief from that. I went to our doctor yesterday for a physical and spent most of the time talking about Jeffrey and crying. (He was Jeffrey’s doctor too.) I went for a walk today. I felt the wind brush my neck in a way that felt exactly like Jeffrey’s touch. I was in tears over that too.
Grief doesn’t go away, but you learn to live with it. I am trying to sort out the brave new life I want come spring. And I think, just maybe, it still involves that yurt. I also think it involves keeping the place and going back home. I’m just not sure exactly how that works out just yet. But somehow, someway, I have to forge ahead with my life and see what I can accomplish in the time to come.
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